Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Breaking News - Kitten Plays With Finger!

RTNN is pleased to present you, the viewer, with more animal videos. You know, it should be against the law to be this adorable. Enjoy!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Finger Biteoff Championship 2009!" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Idle!

When you make lifestyle decisions based on "peak oil" theories, you aren't thinking straight. When oil crashes from $140+ a barell to the mid $30s, guess what happens to exploration drilling? Shut downs, layoffs, etc. But for the first time in 25 years, wages are being rolled back, too. Starting May 1st, a lot of people's paychecks are going to get a whole lot smaller. Egos are going to get checked, too. And I don't think anybody is going to be striking this year.

Personally, I'm sick of having to deal with shitheads with a 6th grade education making way too much money, driving around in their $70,000 3/4 ton jacked up trucks, living out in the burbs with their four kids in their McMansions, and their boat and RV in the driveway. Of course, everything is on payments.

The paycheck will get smaller, but existing payments will remain the same size. Do the math.

What's the good news? Well, if you have a little bit of money put aside right now, housing, RVs, boats, equipment, businesses, commercial real estate and cars are going to be insanely cheap in the next two years.

I'll spare you the bad news.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Mad Max 5 - Too Much Oil!" only on Ranting-TV...

Monday, March 30, 2009

Braking News - Tax Credit for Car Buyers

There has never been a better time to buy a car. The US government just announced that there will be tax credits provided to buy a new car. Obama said that the Canadian government will be announcing their own program later today. Stay tuned... there's more to come.

Third, the IRS is today launching a campaign to alert consumers of a new tax benefit for auto purchases made between Feb 16 and the end of this year—if you buy a car anytime this year, you may be able to deduct the cost of any sales and excise taxes. This provision could save families hundreds of dollars and lead to as many as 100,000 new car sales.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Buy, buy, buy a car, car, car" only on Ranting-TV…

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Public Service Announcement - Conficker!

Hello folks. This is a public service announcement. Remember to head on over to onecare.live.com and check your computer for the conficker worm before April 1. That is all. Please carry on.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Attack of the Giant Worms!" only on Ranting-TV…

Friday, March 27, 2009

From the Morning Desk - Half Baked

Often, negative news comes out and the stock market rallies. The economy is terrible; the news that came out was bad so logically the price of stocks should drop. But they don't.

Stocks do not mirror the present, but rather the future. It’s similar to horseracing or poker, where you place your bets before the outcome is known. And while not always correct, the stock market typically has been a great predictor of the health of the overall economy.

Rumors and future news are often "baked" into the price of a stock. For example, if company ABC pre-announces a very weak quarter, the stock sells off immediately and might drop from $20 a share to $16. At $16, a lot of weakness is baked in. A month later when ABC reports a mediocre quarter, the stock jumps to $17.50. Why? Because the street was too negative, even if the numbers were not good.

Weeks ago, the entire stock market was pricing in a depression, not a garden variety recession. When news started coming out that things were not as bad as people thought (eg. leading indicators showing stabilization), the market started to rally. Equities were mispriced.

So, right now the stock market is predicting that the US economy will not go into a depression. People who have disagreed with this view (short-selling bears) are getting killed.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Third World Champion Poker on RTNN" only on Ranting-TV…

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Bulls to Bears - How Ya Like Me Now?

It looks like we have inflows coming into the stock market (eg. $2 billion last week into emerging markets). The retail investors are starting to venture in. It appears that this rally has legs and will continue to move higher. Fight it, and you will die.

Look, commercial real estate is still very weak and the job numbers are still very bad but that's about it. Everything else appears to be in the bottoming process (or close to bottoming). And I never think it's a good idea to bet against the government.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Clowning Around With Mr. Roubini" only on Ranting-TV…

Lifestyle Section - Hedgehogs

You've asked for it and RTNN is pleased to present you the viewers with more hedgehogs! This little guy is called Max. Enjoy!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Hedgefunds vs Hedgehogs!" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Evil Advertising

Back when the church actually had sway in the western world, the way it does today in Africa, it was responsible for influencing ideas about what was true and what was false. These ideas eventually helped to form a society’s collective knowledge and morality. So, back in the 1600’s, the world was flat. The church told you so; end of story.

Today, we have broad exposure to various points of view. Religion still plays a part, but science now has a much larger role. The scientific studies that emerge help to shape our views.

But since the 1950’s, something else is shaping our world. Lobbyists and advertising.

That’s right, lobbying and advertisements are shaping our world views. I have zero problems with advertising when it’s used for good. (Buy a new iPod or pair of designer jeans) But when it’s a government billboard telling you that if you are doing 10 mph over the posted speed limit, that you are a disease, I’ve got a problem. Speed kills? Oh really? Fuck you. I don’t want my tax dollars going to fund my own indoctrination.

It’s also common knowledge that drunk drivers behind the wheel of a vehicle are a danger on the roads to other drivers and pedestrians, but lately it’s taken on a more sinister tone. These days, it’s morally evil to drink and drive. It’s become unforgiveable to drink and drive. You can’t make drunk driving jokes at parties. Who’s behind this? MADD of course.

Are there really people out there who don't know that drinking and driving is a terrible idea? Most people are getting sick of their bullshit advertisements, stupid billboards and annoying TV ads. Ok, we get it. 20 years of this stuff is just getting creepy already. MADD doesn't need to exist anymore. Now it’s just a power grab.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "MADD TV - Now with More Fire and Brimstone!" only on Ranting-TV…

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

From the Morning Desk - Bulls are Back!

We’ve got people in some of the worst hit parts of the US buying homes, ArcelorMittal selling the largest corporate convertible bond that we’ve seen this year, and tons of M&A action (witness the Suncor/PetroCan bid yesterday). We’ve already heard from the banks three weeks ago that they said they were again making money (yield curve lending is working). And all levels of the government stated that they will do whatever is necessary to prevent deflation. The US government just became the world’s largest hedge fund (and their bias is long).

What does all this mean? It means that this probably isn’t just a garden-variety bear market rally, but it could be the start of a new bull market. That’s right. It appears that the bear market is over.

Shiller, Roubini and Whitney bears don’t look so smart anymore. They look just as foolish as the idiot bulls who were calling for DOW 20,0000 at the top of the market in 2007. Cheerleaders and Coffin-humpers only make you money when the market moves in one direction.

Since my "Rocky" post, we’ve seen the market up a huge amount and I think it has plenty of room to move some more. I think we will see mutual fund and pension buyers moving in soon (if they haven’t already). The bear shitters are going to keep placing the same bet over and over again. Short stock, stock moves higher, they cover. Finally, they will capitulate and just move into cash, until they can’t take missing out on the rally. Then they will finally go long.

The more people talk about things being different this time, the more it stays the same.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Dead Ass-raping Clown Found on Wall Street! More at 11." only on Ranting-TV…

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Breaking News - Robot Layoffs

RTNN news is reporting that GM is gearing down production even further in response to the eroding global demand for automobiles. They disclosed that 150 robot assembly units will be laid off. The company has offered the robots a payout package and re-training.

RTNN's reporters visited a local community college where we found one ex-assembly robot currently retraining as a children’s fair ride. Enjoy!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Radiation Gives Local Man Superstrong Extra Arm, Bad Breath... More at 11." only on Ranting-TV…

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Friday, March 20, 2009

Guest Columnist - Rules with Dr. Mike

As a doctor, I’m use to following rules. Wash your hands and tools BEFORE surgery, appear concerned for patients (even the fakers), and of course, always look both ways before crossing the street to grab a Döner kebab or Pilavüstü (no frickin' mayonnaise) after a hard day of "doctoring".

But the older I get the more laws, rules, procedures, and permits there are. More scornful leers are directed my way all the time! The following list of "you can't", "you must" and "do not" scenarios really piss me off! The people, that have inspired me to make this list, piss me off to no end!

The way things are going in our society; I predict that we very well could see these new laws and punishments introduced some day:

Law: You can't smoke cigarettes, pot, crack, etc. within 20 miles of any living creature.
Punishment: 3 years hard time plus a life-time of community service in the child and puppy lung transplant unit, scraping lung cheese off the floor.

Law: You can't drink alcohol, absinthe, or mouthwash within sight of any person considered to be a child or a moral person - for fear they may see you enjoying life!
Punishment: Life-time ban from barbeques, bon-fires, and parks. Two years of hard time praying in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Law: You must stay within two inches of your children at all times. They may disappear if you don't!
Punishment: 10 years for attempted kidnapping. You would be an accessory to the kidnapping of your child.

Law: You must provide plentiful organized activities for your children. These activities must take up every single moment of your waking life!
Punishment: 2 years for child neglect, plus you will never see your children again!

Law: Don't let your car idle for more than 10 seconds.
Punishment: Life imprisonment for the murders of your children and your future grandchildren.

Law: Never urinate outside even if you are standing next to a moose pissing on your foot!
Punishment: 12 years of environmental clean-up duties plus 1 year of lecturing, to children, about why you shouldn't piss near a moose.

Law: You shouldn't eat other animals, even though your frickin’ teeth are designed for grinding animal flesh!
Punishment: 5 to 10 years in prison for manslaughter of innocent chickens and eggs (the unborn children of chickens).

Law: You must stick your arm straight out like pole when you're crossing the street.
Punishment: You must stick your arm straight out like pole when you're crossing the street.

-- Dr. Mike

About our Author: Mike Ramps, Ph.d, FOS, is a mentally-certified prairie-nutritionist and a nationally known expert on most things in general. A disturbing and unusual man, he routinely performs a wide range of surgery from the comforts of his own van and has authored many books such as: The 100 Most Effective Ways to Cook Wildlife with a Bunsen Burner, The 100 Easiest Surgeries to do on Yourself, and The Erotic Tales of Sha-boo-ka in Whoopieland. Learn more about Dr. Mike and download one of his free audio courses from www.vanmansurgeries.com

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Breaking News - Cute Guy Alert!

From the Morning Desk - Car Shopping

My $10 coffee has never tasted so good. I have to admit, for all the bellyaching about the weak economy, it’s sure a great time to buy that high-end car. Luxury car auctions are feeling the pinch. That’s me looking inside my new Ferrari. What can I say, the Porsche is a great daily driver (and perfectly reliable) but I’m a Ferrari guy.

How weak is the car market? Would you believe half price? Cars that were going for $700,000 in 2007 are now $400,000. Nobody is stepping up.

You peasants really need to learn to have empathy for us rich folks. Sure, your 401K is zapped, your job is in jeopardy and your houses are worth squat, but please think about the poor bastard that had to get rid of his luxury car and take a HUGE loss on it. That’s like getting kicked in the balls and spit on, at the same time. Maybe it belonged to some coke-snorting derivatives trader, or a California real estate investor, or some uppity hedge fund manager who fucked his entire portfolio by getting long oil last summer at $140.

Warren Buffett’s fortune plummeted by $25bn to $37bn. Indian businessman Anil Ambani net worth slumped from nearly $32bn to approximately $10bn. Microsoft founder Bill Gates wealth plunged $18bn to $40bn. But then again, a billion dollars just ain’t what it use to be, right?

I think it’s time to go after professional athletes now. Cut the sponsorship dollars, cut the salaries and get rid of all the bonuses. The amount of money that these clowns make these days is ridiculous! The multi-million dollar contracts need to become one million dollar contracts. It’s not 2007 anymore; wages need to drop, drop, drop. Why? Because I happen to be in the market for a Lamborghini 670-4 SV. And I know an NBA basketball player who has one.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Moving on Down, to a Deluxe Appartment in the Basement!" only on Ranting-TV…

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

This Just In - A Second Chance

Sandra Jamie Olson, 67, was freed from the Central California Women's Facility shortly after midnight and will be allowed to serve her yearlong parole in Minnesota, the state she adopted during a 26-year flight from justice.

When asked what she was going to do with her time, Olson responded, "Oh, I just want to get back to my knitting and live in peace. I’m an old woman. I’m not here to make waves with the good people in this town. I’m ready to give back to the community."

Olson served seven years - half her sentence - after pleading guilty to helping place pipe bombs under Los Angeles Police Department patrol cars and participating in the deadly robbery of a bank in a Sacramento suburb in August 1975.

Olson continues, "I look forward to collecting flowers from my garden each morning. I’ve made so many terrible choices in life, but I’ve been given a second chance. My days are filled with God. I'm so sorry for what I've done."

Olson successfully completed the 5-year rehabilitation program at the correctional facility at the top of her class. Everybody has high hopes for her and wish her well.

"I just hope people can forgive me and understand that my troubled past is behind me." she goes on, "but some people still bother me. If it keeps up, I’m going to get really pissed off and start blowing fucking shit up! You mutherfuckers! Fuck you! I hate you all so much! Oh, if I had a pipe right now… whore… fu… blow… [unintelligible]… bombdy, bombdy, bom…[unintelligible]."

Department spokeswoman Terry Scott said parole decisions are intended to give former prisoners the best chance of reintegrating into society and avoiding re-arrest.

"Being with their family increases the chances that they will succeed on parole," she said, "Sandra is going to do great. Our rehabilitation program is the best in the world."

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Breaking News - Dog has puppies, more at 11!" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - I'm Into M&A!

When we start to see mergers and acquisitions getting done, that is another sign that this bear market may be getting long in the tooth. It’s easy to forget that underneath stocks are real, living (living-dead zombies in the case of AIG), companies. They have employees and product or service lines and they produce stuff.

When deals start getting put together, it usually means two things are starting to work. The first is that although credit is still very tight, it is showing signs of life and that’s going to be important to finance these multi-billion dollar deals. The second is that it makes good fiscal sense to acquire companies on the cheap. And as dire as the economy is right now, companies are getting optimistic and are starting to think about the business two, five or ten years out. And when they can buy their competitor for half or a third of the price of 2007, they are finally beginning to pull the trigger.

Look around. We are seeing major M&A in biotech. And today we saw IBM making a bid for Sun Microsystems for $6.5 billion. That’s a good deal. JAVA alone is worth at least $6 billion and Solaris UNIX would fit in at IBM perfectly. Let’s watch to see what HP or Dell is going to do. Technology deals make sense as these companies actually have a lot of free cash sitting on their books.

Oh and remember to follow the money trail. Who’s going to finance these deals? Take a wild guess.

I know Mr. Popular, Nouriel Roubini, who is obviously the genius de jour, may not agree with these ideas, but folks we keep watching the same movie over and over again. I don’t want to stick my neck out and say that this is a new bull market. But if you watch closely, you can see that there are things going on this time that nobody is paying attention to. And they are all good things.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "When Black Swans Attack!" only on Ranting-TV…

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

New Bull Market or Bear Rally?

Roubini looks like a fucking idiot. Gary Shiller looks old, tired and confused spinning his same old bear story. What if we are at the start of a new bull market? What would it look like? What would it feel like? Would we even know? Does it matter?

Everybody is saying that this is a bear market rally. Who cares?

New bull markets and bear market rallies all look the same in the beginning. I'm not attaching any labels to this one. It is what it is.

Remember, it's going to be the perma-bears who keep regular people OUT of the market, just like the idiot bulls keep people from selling stock before the crash. But in time, people will figure out who's bullshitting them... after the market moves up 25%.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Bullshit!" only on Ranting-TV…

Breaking News - Kitty O'Flanagan

RTNN is pleased to present the following St. Patrick's Day video. Now presenting Kitty O'Flanagan! Have a drink of beer each time his hat falls off!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "The Kitty O'Flanagan Hour" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - St. Patricks Day

Happy St. Patty’s dear reader! Everything I know about the holiday consists of wearing green, drinking [green] beer and parades. I think it originally has something to do with the Irish, but apparently everybody does it, so I could be mistaken.

My passion for the truth, led me to Wikipedia. I read all about Patrick the Saint, how the holiday started and even leprechauns. So what did I learn? That the holiday accomplishes exactly what it was created to do.

It’s a holiday for everybody to celebrate with beer, wear green and watch parades. It’s a time to kick off work early and head down to a local pub with friends. So get down there tonight and enjoy some Irish hospitality!

I should also state that my good friend, Martin Prickle loves St. Patrick’s, for obvious reasons. I have included a picture of him, be sure to wish a “Happy You Day!” if you do see him on your travels. He has gold. Lots of gold.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Clurichauns - Functional Alcoholics in Society?" only on Ranting-TV…

Monday, March 16, 2009

Breaking News - Pandas are Cute!

AIG – Best and Brightest?

Fuck AIG. And fuck that cocksucker CEO Ed Liddy. I really get a kick out of Liddy’s comments about attracting and keeping the best and brightest talent. Well, if AIG is so fucking talented, why are they begging the government for help? Why are the American taxpayers forced to pump money into this gem?

Where are these talented folks going to go if they don’t get their bonuses? They work for AIG. That’s like handing a shit-smeared resume over to your future employer. What are they going to tell them? "Oh, I left because I didn’t get my bonus". Nobody is paying out bonuses fucktard! (well, except for AIG). Wages are way down, too. That’s the new reality. Obviously, AIG is having a hard time adjusting. Insurance is a slow business, in more ways than one.

I don’t give a shit how much money some coked-up douchebag made for his department trading derivatives. It’s the total sum that counts in the end.

That’s the equivalent of saying that you won $200 at the blackjack table but your wife lost $10,000 at craps the day before. You didn't win anything when you fly home, right?

Fuck you, overpaid AIG employees and fuck you AIG management.

AIG is a systemic risk to the world’s financial system. That’s the only reason they are still around in zombie form. You will do whatever the government tells you to do, or we’ll ship you off to some remote CIA torture center. How do you like your “cock-meat” sandwich, mutherfuckers?

On an unrelated topic, I see the clowns did finally come out late this afternoon to rape the greedy bulls who overstayed their welcome. I told you they were regrouping…

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Clockwork Orange 2 - AIG Rapes America!" only on Ranting-TV…

Breaking News - Clowns Not Dead!

I have a feeling that the clowns are not dead. I see them lurking and regathering in the alleys. This run that we’ve had in the market last week was amazing. Monster moves, monster money was made. But I think that we are due for a pull back as investors consolidate their winnings this week. Nothing goes straight up forever.

I’m pretty sure that we will slowly march towards 8000, but there will be big drops along the way. The economy isn’t fixed, and therefore this market is still very much a traders one. Watch for clowns, they haven't all been killed.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Rocky is Getting Tired!" only on Ranting-TV…

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Breaking News - Japanese Replacing Humans!

Well, leave it up to the crafty Japanese to replace us with robots. I can only imagine that they are eventually going to replace every human on earth with these life-like replicas. What are they doing with the human versions? Just another example of why robots are a threat to the human species!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Double Your Pleasure, Double the Fun!" only on Ranting-TV…

This Just In - Cute Animal Pictures!

Well get a load of this guy. He's having a bath!

Guest Columnist - Studies with Dr. Mike

I'm not a huge TV watcher because it's mostly just a bunch of shit 'reality' shows. People like them, but to each his own, I guess. There are a few programs that I'll watch, though, when I'm not using my scalpel. Recently I tuned into a pretty good talk show, however I was quite perturbed by what the good host had the nerve to promote.

Apparently there is a new study about sexually explicit music. It's been proven that 41% of teens that listen to sexually explicit songs have pre-marital sex. Teens that do not listen to these 'terrible' songs only have a 20% chance of giving-up-my-virginity-when-I-shouldn't-according-to-someone rate. I sure hope that a government grant was given for this 'scientific' study! It sounds like our society may need changing. We must find a way to get rid of the filth that is causing this immoral teen sex!

I'll tell you what's wrong with this biased study...it's not blind! Even though I don't trust blind people, clowns, or people with two first names...like John Scott or Bobby Bob, I think that any recognized study should be, at least, a little unfocused on a specific outcome. Don't you think that, perhaps, the teens that listen to evil sex music may be more likely to have sex because of their genetically predetermined kick-ass attitudes? Is it possible that the Frigid Virgin Jesus Teens (F.V.J.T.) may not be the regular consumers of devil sex CDs? Yes...great fuck'n study!

I've thought of a few studies that may give lobby groups what they need to force the government to censor everything...I mean everything required to bring our society to a morality of excellence!

Did you know that 99% of children, under 2 years of age that have fingers, tend to pick their asses. The other 1% do not pick (or even scratch) their asses. The result of this study is obvious. Children with fingers are susceptible to ass-picking and scratching. Anti-ecoli activists have been pushing for their I.F.G. cause. The government has taken Infant Finger Removal under very serious consideration due to this new scientific development.

-- Dr. Mike

About our Author: Mike Ramps, Ph.d, FOS, is a mentally-certified prairie-nutritionist and a nationally known expert on most things in general. A disturbing and unusual man, he routinely performs a wide range of surgery from the comforts of his own van and has authored many books such as: The 100 Most Effective Ways to Cook Wildlife with a Bunsen Burner, The 100 Easiest Surgeries to do on Yourself, and The Erotic Tales of Sha-boo-ka in Whoopieland. Learn more about Dr. Mike and download one of his free audio courses from www.vanmansurgeries.com

Friday, March 13, 2009

Guest Columnist - Grammer with Dr. Mike

Is good grammar necessary for personal success? I sure hope it is, expecially in my case. As a mobile van sturgeon, I take communication very seriously. I prefer that my patience know what I am getting into before I cut into what I'm slicing in for.

I' not a huge spickler when it comes to corrections. I've been said that it's quite annoying so I don't stickle anymore. The biggest problem I have is the teachers. I no a teacher that correxts people on grammmer. She is below average in intelligence, but how did she get a degree/certificate/stamp...tattoo? I really shouldn't hold the teachers responsible. It are the secondary institutions that is giving morons a chance to shape the future of our children!

I know more than one 'legitimate' teacher that is...stupid! I can't euphamise their non-#($*^(*@ intelligence any more than saying,'you're a moron!". When I was in pre-adult school, I had to supposebly learn from these negligent piss-brains! Don't get me wrong...I have nothing against teachers in general. In fact, I have a lot of expect for teachers and their personal dedercations to learning us. Trust me, (as you have seen from my current/previous articles) I am not even close to being a world grammar adviser. To be honest, I am very distraught because of my reclining skills, especially in language arts. Maybe I have all-symers. Perhaps, I feel that North America's general erosion of the english language has played a part in my personal decline as well. I was, at one time not long ago, an excellent and proud student of the intricate details of the english language.

Before I became I mobile surgeon, I lived with the cows...off and on. I had to take a break during breeding season, of course. During my sabatical, I realized that wepster is going to change in response to poplar word use. The editors choose, threw research, which new words will be included in the next weppster edition. I'm loosing my mind! How is it fare that wepster chooses the way we say? Has our language not evolved to a point of very limited erosion?

The following are some 'corrections' in the new illiterate world we live in:

Original
The nice lady gave pebbles to Bob and me.

Correction
The nice lady gave pebbles to Bob and I.

Original
There are seven do-gooders in the do-gooder gang.

Correction
There's seven do-gooders in the do-gooder gang.

I'm fucking ecstatic that we have 'teachers' to help us along the way! Thank-you!
P.S. Are you illiterate because you went to a school that ain't no care? Or...are you just stupid and you got into a school that didn't challenge your stupidity? If the latter is true, I wish that they wouldn't have encouraged you to spread your stupidity.

Maybe your 'stupid' disease will wipe out the stupid people, including yourself. Thats good for I and you.

If you think this was good grammar, you are probably normal. That's an unfortunate reality.

-- Dr. Mike

About our Author: Mike Ramps, Ph.d, FOS, is a mentally-cerrtified prairie-nutritionistarooni and a nationally known eggspert on most things in general. A disturbing and unuzual man, he routinely performs a wide range of sturgery from the comfarts of his own van and has authored many brooks such as: The 100 Most Effective Ways to Cook Wildlife with a Bunsen Burner, The 100 Easiest Surgeries to do on Yourself, and The Erotic Tales of Sha-boo-ka. Learn more about Dr. Mike and download one of his free audio courses at www.vanmansurgeries.com.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Breaking News - Turtle Shoe Action!

At the request of my good friend and valued RTNN viewer, Badmen Romp has suggested airing the following video presentation. Warning, if there are turtles under the age of 6 months, please ask them to leave the room at this time. Enjoy!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Teenage Mutant Ninja Perverts!" only on Ranting-TV…

Breaking News - Clown Pinata!

The clown and bear beatdown continues. Still doubt this rally? I think it's the real deal.

I'm not saying that we are going to climb every day, but we are having very good tape action. Despite the negative news coming out, the trend is higher, led by financials.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "The Clown Beatdown Hour" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Free Your Mind!

The stock market futures (pre-market) look a little weak this morning. And everybody is jumping ship; the talking heads are back spinning tales of coffin-humping and DOW 5000. The told-you-so crowd has never had so many members. There’s a smugness in the air and it smells like bear and clown everywhere you go. There's no confidence at all.

So what does it mean if we fall today? Not a damn thing. Everybody is so jaded (and rightly so), but being jaded only makes you look smart, it prevents you from taking advantage of opportunities.

I’m ignoring the noise. Meredith Whitney is trying to advertise her new firm, Nouriel Roubini (Dr. Doom) is talking up his book and other perma-bears are just trying to save face after Tuesday’s explosion to the upside. They will never turn positive. They will continue to press their bets long after we’ve entered a new bull market. Trust me, if you follow these guys they will lead you off the cliff. The DOW will be at 11,000 and they will still be talking DOW 5000.

Oh but they have been right all along!

Yes, absolutely, looking in the rearview mirror they have been correct about the severity and the speed of the meltdown. But didn’t we have bulls saying DOW 20,000 at the top of the market in summer 2007? The perma-bulls had been right for five years, and REALLY wrong in the sixth and seventh year. Wasn't everybody (except Mrs. BTO) calling for $300, $400, $500 oil in summer of 2008? Where the fuck is oil now? Nobody gives two shits about "peak-oil" anymore. Do you understand my point? I think that in a severe bear market, one should listen to the bulls. In a long bull market, start listening to the case that bears are making.

But I’m looking forward and I don’t see DOW 5000 or anything even close. Hey, I know that the economy is going to weaken more, but that doesn’t mean that the stock market can’t get above 8000 before the real economy starts to show signs of stabilization. The stock markets (and credit/bond markets) are leading indicators.

It’s embarrassing being a bull in a market like this. It’s something that most people don’t want to deal with. It’s so much easier to go along with the flow. The news is bad, the market is bad, and everybody agrees that it’s stupid to be in the market. It’s easy to be a bear. It's easy to take that blue pill and just go back to sleep.

It should be said that Doug Kass, a noted bear, has turned positive and is now very bullish on the market. There are signs out there, that you need to pay attention to right now.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Hindsight. Better than the Real Thing?" only on Ranting-TV…

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Guest Columnist - Fast Food Ads with Dr. Mike

It seems that advertising companies think you'll buy their client's products by stupefying its target audience. Take the main character of the A&W commercials. He seems like an average family man; an easy-going fast-food manager, but very serious about setting a good example of customer service. He's proud of the food choices that A&W offers his community and it looks like he's sampled more than his share, for quality-control purposes I'm sure.

He cares about his customers to a point of ridiculousness, though. He's not just serving you a burger, but he's listening to your private conversations and analyzing your inner most thoughts. I'm not sure, but I'm guessing he's picturing you (and your family) naked, as well.

The most amazing advertising strategy, though, is the portrayal of A&W customers being simple-minded. They are completely oblivious to the manager's clever and sarcastic wit. In contrast to A&W's customers, the manager appears very intelligent. I guess that's why he's moved all the way up to management of a fast-food joint before the age of 60!

Another stupid advertisement that comes to mind is the egg-juggling McDonalds commercial. The moronic customers are all happy and excited that these kids are juggling eggs. I have a strange feeling that most people would be more interested in actually getting their breakfast in a timely manner. Because of the stupid juggling stint, there are three employees doing the job of one!

The manager tells them that he doesn't know what they are doing, but that they should “keep it up”! He then comes back to give the kids a huge thumbs-up! I have a sneaking suspicion that this is more of an advertisement to entice people to work at McDonalds than to buy a breakfast meal. Why? If you work at McDonalds:

1. The customers don't get angry at you, even when they have to wait extra long for their meals do to your inefficiency.

2. You can do whatever you want, i.e. juggling eggs, without getting questioned or hassled by management.

3. You can move up to management, even if you are a goofy and spineless moron!

-- Dr. Mike

About our Author: Mike Ramps, Ph.d, FOS, is a mentally-certified prairie-nutritionist and a nationally known expert on most things in general. A disturbing and unusual man, he routinely performs a wide range of surgery from the comforts of his own van and has authored many books such as: The 100 Most Effective Ways to Cook Wildlife with a Bunsen Burner, The 100 Easiest Surgeries to do on Yourself, and The Erotic Tales of Sha-boo-ka in Whoopieland. Learn more about Dr. Mike and download one of his free audio courses from his website.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Educate Yourself - R2D2 Speaks!

Have ever wondered what R2D2 is saying every time he beeps and boops? I'm sure most Star Wars geeks already figured it out, but for the rest of us RTNN has the following video presentation. Enjoy!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Star Wars XI - This One Sucks Too!" only on Ranting-TV…

Scared of the Stock Market?

It's true, anybody who has been long stock in this market over the past year has been clown raped. But remember folks, it won't last forever. The following video presentation shows just how to deal with your fear of the stock market. Don't fear the clown!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Does Anyone Like Clowns?" only on Ranting-TV…

Breaking News - Frank on Uptick Rule

The bear and clown slaughter persists without relief. Every fucking day for the past month, asshole short sellers continued to press their bets. Until today. Today, the bulls (who I've named Rocky) have said enough!

And the bulls continue the rampage.

Barney Frank just announced that they are considering re-implementing the uptick rule. The rule is designed to prevent the bear-raids that we have been seeing over the past year. This news just added fuel to the fire and the market moved up another leg. It was way too easy making money on the short side for bears. That’s not a good reason to push stocks down. Stupid (non-critical thinking) people who are making too much money in the stock market always is the sign of a bottom/top. We saw the same damn thing in November.

Don’t underestimate how high we can bounce from here. There are going to be some big moves in stocks. And it’s the doom and gloom, coffin-humping, bear-shitters who are going to lose money! That’s the natural order of things. They will continue to talk their game, but their portfolios are going to turn into shit.

These things ALWAYS turn out the same way. This time is not any different. Markets ALWAYS recover and always go up over time.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "When Bulls Attack!" only on Ranting-TV…

Breaking News - Clown Punching Day!

It’s time to go punch some clowns, folks! We are so oversold, it’s about time that we get a monster rally going. Question is, will the bulls continue buying or will it simply be shorts running for the hills, only to return later? If we don’t get some real buying soon, the shorts will simply continue to pound down stocks to nothing. I hope we can sustain something for at least a week.

I hear the Rocky music, eye of the tiger, playing in the background. Rocky about to return! He may be bloody and beaten-down, but he is about to lay the law down and show those fuck-ass bears who’s the champ! Rocky! Rocky!

If you are a bear and are short, you will be punched hard. It is going to be a painful couple days for you. Respect the champ!

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Sixteen hours of Pre-Boxing Video" only on Ranting-TV…

Guest Columnist - Hygiene with Dr. Mike

Okay, okay...so I'm not necessarily the healthiest mobile van surgeon out there. I smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, and eat less gophers than I personally recommend as a world renowned prairie nutritionist. I rarely get physically ill perhaps only because I am blessed with a good immune system at this point in my life. Despite my many healthy lifestyle shortcomings, I do take one sickness-prevention habit seriously. I wash my fucking hands!

I wash my hands after every single stint in the restroom. It doesn't matter what I am doing there...I wash my hands whether I touch my unmentionable or not! I lather up after any numbered bathroom protocol...1, 2, or 3 (3 equals 1 and 2, mixed together, of course.) Maybe, just maybe...my clean hands have aided in my good health streak, especially after finger-lickin' Cheetos escapades.

If you don't care about the people you're preparing food for, then don't wash your hands. We all see movies where a teen-ager is working at a fast food restaurant for minimum wage. He will add snot, ear wax, and even a smidgen of dandruff to your meal + more if you piss him off! He doesn't know you, so who cares! I, however, wash my manicured digits before I prepare all meals, even if I'm not the one eating them! I must continue to set a good example because of my standing in the prairie-health community. Can you imagine the media attention I'd get if I was caught scratching my scrotum over a taco salad?

Should you be washing your hands 24 hours a day? No! Otherwise you would lose your hand-skin! Hand-skin is one of the most underrated skins on the human body!

When should you wash your hands?
After every shit, piss, or discreet erotic episode alone in the little boys/girls room!
After reading a toilet-humour book, whether you're in the bathroom or not. They can't be trusted.
Before and after you pick your nose/ass!
After you go grocery shopping. Other people push those carts just after picking their noses/asses!
After touching another animal, especially a dung beetle.
After removing matter from toes, navels, and arm pits.


There are more instances in which hand-washing would be recommended, but I feel that the above list covers the most important situation. If this article improves the hand hygiene of just one disgusting human, it will be worth all the effort I just made.

Dr. Mike

About our Author: Mike Ramps, Ph.d, FOS, is a mentally-certified prairie-nutritionist and a nationally known expert on most things in general. A disturbing and unusual man, he routinely performs a wide range of surgery from the comforts of his own van and has authored many books such as: The 100 Most Effective Ways to Cook Wildlife with a Bunsen Burner, The 100 Easiest Surgeries to do on Yourself, and The Erotic Tales of Sha-boo-ka in WeeWeeland. Learn more about Dr. Mike and download one of his free audio courses from his website.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Breaking News - Headless Killer on the Loose!

RTNN is pleased to present you, the viewer, with the following video presentation. It appears that some sort of headless, killer robot is walking on all fours trying to find a way into your house. Presumably, to kill your family. Beware! And if you see this inhuman killer, kicking it over with your boot may seem like a prudent course of action. But it will not be successful, as we shall see! This thing is just creepy and should be put out of its misery at once.



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Cujo III - The Headless Hunter!" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Clocks!

You would think that for every stupid-ass useless invention that exists in the world, that a useful one exists as well. I suppose useful inventions may exist, maybe in prototype form, maybe in somebody's head but that’s not good enough for me. I don’t give a shit how many patents you own on that newfangled super-rific gizmo, if I’m not able to actually use it, here in the real world, then you can go stuff yourself, Mr. Inventor.

What's with the attack on inventors? I’ve had to manually move my clocks forward one hour. That’s right. By hand.

It would have made little difference whether I had done it, or one of my lowly servants / administrative assistants performed the task. It still makes me scratch my head each time. Most wall clocks and watches do not have a Daylight Savings Time option. You have to wind it back and forward like they did in the 1960’s. You know, before microwave ovens, fax machines, the Internet, putting robots on Mars, and before blackberrys and iphones. That’s just embarrassing.

Sure, Johnny has no problem doing it. But why should I? It can’t be THAT much more expensive to manufacture watches and wall clocks to automatically adjust. I’ll pay an extra 50 fucking cents for the convenience. It’s really not a hardship, on me or the general public.

I’m sure some jackass inventor already owns the patent on wall clocks and watches that auto-adjust and is just sitting in his shack right now rubbing his hands with glee. But little good that does the rest of the world.

I think I will throw something at Cratchit’s stupid, fat head! I could buy a cup-throwing robot to do it, but some things are just more fun doing the manual way.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Creepy Clocks: Evil or Misunderstood?" only on Ranting-TV…

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Dr. Z Throws the Best Parties!

Mrs BTO and I are at one of Dr. Z's famous parties! Tonight, his staff is serving us quiche. Yummo.

Sent from my BlackBerry

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Auction Action - $15000 Bulls

Sent from my BlackBerry

On Location - Hat Observation!

Just sitting here, waiting for the auction to start. I've made some observations so far. Ranchers and farmers appear to fall in three hat camps.

1. Cowboy hat bunch. They typically care more about how they look than the others and usually have a nice Dodge truck to match. These guys are willing to spend more than hundred bucks on a hat. There are two colors available, white and black. And you won't find shit on their hats... I'll tell ya what.

2. Baseball hat bunch. This group varies, but one thing is for sure... Their hats are free. And they would not pay for one. Ever. Why? Because they have been free since the 1970's. This group outnumbers the cowboy hat group at least 6:1. Typically, their jackets are also free. Don't get the wrong idea about these guys, they can be rich, drive nice trucks and smart, but they ain't cowboys.

3. Everybody else. Old man flap-caps with pompom, winter hats, and hatless. What can I say. The pompom winter hat group really are on the slower side of things, unless you are a mennonite, then you are spending like a hutterite at a bull sale. Everyone else in this group is simpy an "old" farmer on their way out to pasture.

Very interesting... Auction begins in 10 minutes.
Sent from my BlackBerry

On the Scene - Weather Sucks

Still on route, but man does this weather suck!
Sent from my BlackBerry

Friday, March 6, 2009

From the Morning Desk - Rocky

Was Rocky the best boxer in TV land? Well, he did win every fight (except for Rocky Balboa, but he was like 50 or something). So I guess so. But that’s not what made him a champ. Not only could this guy take a punch, but he could take an entire full-on bludgeoning. Everybody counted him out. They gave up on him. It became obvious to all the other characters in the films that Rocky was toast.

Wrong, bitches! He sprang back to life and returned with more energy than ever before. His pain made him better and faster. There was no turning back. Everybody at that moment realized that Rocky was the champ. And Rocky laid a monster beat-down on the poor schmuk that happened to share the ring with the champ. You see, Rocky is a bull, at heart.

Being long equities is kind of the same. There are bulls lying all around you, bears and ass-raping clowns lurking around every corner. It’s become common knowledge that buying stock is reckless. Even the talking heads on TV are toning down their message of buy, buy, buy. Everybody is tired, depressed and has thrown in the towel.

Avoiding the conflict, up to now has been the prudent choice, the right choice and a profitable one. War dodging has never been more advantageous or lucrative.

However, I just don’t see how we can sustain such low levels without some sort of relief. Because you see, the stock market is like a Rocky film, or maybe WWE wrestling. It can’t keep going down forever. That’s never how this movie ends. Right now, the markets are telling policy makers something. And while the American banking system has collapsed on a couple occasions, you can’t count out the American economy.

It will become very clear in the next quarter who the good guys are and who the bad actors are. The AIGs, Citits and others will simply not be part of the movie anymore. They will be not be part of the sequel. Other guys will emerge as champs. It will become very obvious where people should have been investing during this slaughter. The landscape is going to look quite different. All companies are not equal, despite what is happening in the stock market.

And just remember, when there are no more bulls out on the streets for the clowns to abuse, the clowns turn on their masters… the bears. The short covering rally is going to be epic. It’s just in the nature of clowns to ass-rape.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Rocky IX - Stock Market Woes!" only on Ranting-TV…

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Education Korner - Babies!

RTNN explores the wonderful mysteries of human birth. Enjoy the following video presentation.



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Our Human History According to Homeless People" only on Ranting-TV…

Guest Columnist - Talking Food with Dr. Mike

Where do you start? As a top expert, Dr. Mike Ramps, FOS (mentally certified prairie nutritionist) I have a few opinions to express.

What's with the “cholesterol free” slogans all over the packaged broccoli on the shelf. You consume cholesterol from animal fat! Shouldn't we be able to take for granted that this broccoli hasn't been fried in cow/goat/gopher fat?

Well, the “0% trans-fat” claims are pretty common-place now on snacks. These snacks are now good for you, right? What else...let me think. Should I get into “natural” health? If it's natural it must be okay, right? I'm not sure I can name a product that's not natural, except for the nuclear Viagra I re-sell.

“Organic” stuff is obviously good for you too! Don't worry about e-coli, though (its organic, too!) Pre/pro-biotic foods sound like they must have been manufactured by geniuses. Why is it that only yogurt is considered biotic? There must be other biotic foods out there. Is this break-through science? Then the questions of whether carbohydrates should be the major focus of our diet start to come up… or it that protein? Shit, (pardon the pun) I should have been paying more attention to the diet infomercials that I was watching at 3am.

And really, what ever happened to the 5-second rule? When your food falls on the floor, ground or barn-stall you must pick it up within 5 seconds. Otherwise it's been contaminated. Why can't we still live by these types of common-sense rules? Besides the black plague, most germs still follow the 5-second rule these days.

When a consumer looks at a product that makes claims about containing real fruit, maybe they should look at how much actual fruit is in the bag of shit! Maybe he or she should realize that it's freekin’ candy just like the similar looking stuff in the candy aisle. Does this person know that concentrated fruit juice is full of concentrated sugar as well? Would you let your child eat 37 oranges? Well, think about that when your fat child drinks 4 glasses of tang! Oh yeah, it may be “natural” sugar.

With all these fantastic products out there that have all of these improvements, why is everyone so overweight and unhealthy? Are we being fooled by marketing schemes? Should we be blaming the companies that make these products? I think that we are fat because we are lazy and apathetic. We have no desire to eat healthy. We don't want to take the time to actually read the back of the package. We only have the time to eat conveniently. Don't forget that most of the convenient, and cheap, foods are saturated in salt. That's how a package of so-called food, which can sit on the shelf for 30 years, can still have flavour. Appetizing, no?

Personally, I make sure that I smoke light cigarettes. At least I'm doing something for my health. All you other lazy no-brainers can smoke your regulars and die early!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "80 Years of Fast Food. Still Edible!" only on Ranting-TV…

About our Author: Mike Ramps, Ph.d, FOS, is a mentally-certified prairie-nutritionist and a nationally known expert on most things in general. A disturbing and unusual man, he routinely performs a wide range of surgery from the comforts of his own van and has authored many books such as: The 100 Most Effective Ways to Cook Wildlife with a Bunsen Burner, The 100 Easiest Surgeries to do on Yourself, and The Erotic Tales of Sha-boo-ka in Peepeeland. Learn more about Dr. Mike and download one of his free audio courses from his website.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Breaking News - Unix Saves Earth!

NASA has been sitting on their asses watching a giant speeding rock head toward the earth. Apparently, they used the Unix OS to provide the platform for tracking the asteroid. When asked for comment:

Unix replied, "Holy shit! That mutherfucker was like... whoosh! Like 40,000KM away or something! I was spewing so much data out of my fucking ass!"

It continued, "Those scientist dicklickers couldn't get enough of me! I had so many of those perverts watching me and touching my peripherals! Today, I really was THE star of the show at NASA! Total pro. Total fuckin' pro."

Since 100% dedicated CPU power isn't required anymore, scientists at NASA are restoring UNIX's non-essential services this evening, including the sass-filter, showboat-curber and curse-controls.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Kaboom! The End of the Earth, 2009." only on Ranting-TV…

Breaking News - Too Many Pandas!

Why are there so many pandas? Is it some sort of panda party?

From the Morning Desk - Hang 'em High!

Good Morning Folks. There’s one thing that the markets need to see before we go higher. Obviously, the economy is shit and seems to be getting worse daily. Housing needs to bottom. And banks need to start returning the money back to the government in droves.

But there is one more thing for this to end. We need public hangings. Ok, so we can’t string people up in Times Square, but metaphorically we can. People like rich Ruth Madoff really turn my stomach. I’m not anti-wealth (otherwise I would hate myself), but I really can’t stand when people like her try to get away clean on a technicality.

I’ve watched enough Soprano episodes to know that every mob-wife knows that her husband isn’t really “in da construction business”. If she didn’t know anything, then she would have acted very differently. Her actions speak volumes about what she may have known and what part she played in this whole Madoff mess. We know that she shared the services of Dickstein Shapiro’s Ira Sorkin. And she has $70 million dollars worth of assets in her name. And it didn’t seem to bother her that men killed themselves over loses from the ponzi scheme. She simply appears cold and very calculating.

$7 million penthouse, $45 million in muni-bonds, and $17 million in cash in a bank account. That’s what this housewife claims is hers. That’s a big fuck you, America!

I don’t care whether or not those assets were acquired with multibillion-dollar fraud or not. In the eye of the public it’s all dirty money. And they are right. It doesn’t matter how guilty they are, just hang them. I think the American people can accept the trillions of tax dollars to save the financial system, but people like the Madoffs don’t get another chance at riches. For the greater good (and to restore trust in Wall Street), they must lose it all.

You know, with the amount of damage done to the financial system, I can’t believe this hasn’t happened yet. Innocent until proven guilty doesn’t work when dealing with the rich.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "The Bold and the ButtUgly" only on Ranting-TV…

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Breaking News - P. Dog Not Convinced

Let's just say that I'm suspicious of your intentions... especially you Dr. Mike. Ok?

From the Morning Desk - Blagorific Book Deal

Good morning, viewer. Sitting at my desk, enjoying my $10 coffee, and what do I see in the news? Rod Blagojevich is writing a book exposing the dark side of politics. Well, this guy should know all about that stuff, right? If my coffee wasn't so perfectly flavorful and justifiably expensive, I would have spit it out all over Cratchit's incompetent face.

Today, there’s a distinct pattern that people like this follow. And remember, there’s a lesson here kids. Parents really should be educating their children on how the real world works, instead of all that “hard work” bullshit.

1. If you currently have a cool hair-do and/or cool name, lose it. You won’t need it.

2. Obtain a small amount of authority; garbage man won’t do, unless you are head of sanitation.

3. Do something so stupid, that the media won’t leave you alone. Visit youtube and type “dumb things” for some great ideas.

4. Make a big stink about the whole thing. Really let somebody HAVE IT, in public. Yell at the media! Blame everybody around you! Go, go go!

5. Get a book deal.

6. Take six-figure check, cash it at bank. Enjoy life, and maybe write a book about the whole experience.

And that’s really all there it to it. You know, maybe it’s time to hear the “Citigroup Story”, or the “Tales of AIG”. Then the public can go out, buy the books, and recapitalize the banking industry. Sometimes, my ideas are so blagorific that I scare myself!

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Rod Blagojevich, The Movie" only on Ranting-TV…

Monday, March 2, 2009

You're Doing it Wrong!

Wikipedia states: Groupthink is a quick and easy way to refer to a mode of thinking that people engage when they are deeply involved in a cohesive ingroup, when members' strivings for unanimity override their motivation to realistically appraise alternatives of action. Members that are defiant are often turned down or seen as a negative influence by the rest of the group, because they bring conflict. Maybe the following video will help explain groupthink better.



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Monday Morning Talk Radio" only on Ranting-TV…

Breaking News - Clown Raped!

It's been a brutal day in the market. Who knows how low we go from here. I haven't felt panic and hopelessness like this since November. We are now officially at 1997 levels in the stock market. Beware the clown. We are technically due for a monster bear market rally but of course, we could simply continue to plummet. Everybody is scared shitless.

My time machine is on the fritz, I really don't know what the heck is going to happen.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Evil Clowns and the Women Who Love Them" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - The Universe

Good morning folks. I’m just enjoying my $10 coffee this morning while pondering the mysteries of the universe. Last night, I watched an interesting documentary on Discovery about the universe. Although I found it very interesting, it has raised a few questions about space. For my physics and astronomical-savvy readers, maybe you can help Johnny answer some of the questions below.

Is it time that prevents us from being sucked into a giant black hole? Would we even be aware of it? How long does it take for a galaxy to be swallowed whole?

We know that matter can be sentient; so is it possible for energy to be as well? What would sentient energy be like? Would we be able to recognize it?

Why can’t light travel faster than 299,792,458 metres per second? What’s so special about that number? Is that the speed of the big bang explosion or the expansion of the universe? Does dark energy have something to do with it? How fast does it travel?

Is there any other way of affecting time without having to resort to speed or gravity?

Where can I find pictures of the moon landing site that Hubble has taken in recent years?
Update: Never mind, NASA makes it clear that Hubble can’t do it, but a new Lunar camera (LROC) will take tons of pictures of the sites (although not its primary purpose): NASA Link.

Why haven’t we found ways to manipulate gravity? Do we need to create a super-dense object to counter the effects of earth gravity? Or is there something else we can create like dark matter? Or is it impossible? I want reduced gravity, dammit!

Is a nuclear reaction the most powerful type that we can create? Are scientists going to try to create a black hole-bomb? What type of reaction are quasars?

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Star Trek XII - Return to the Moon!" only on Ranting-TV…