Undercover Story - Japanese Robots Kill!

This just in folks. Japanese robots are taking over the world, once again. Our own RTNN undercover news team obtained not-so-secret footage of the operation. The following video report should appeal to our pro-robot (or “probot”) viewers. Who's the mastermind behind robo-world domination? It's evil genius Yoshiharu Inaba, with his army of robot sorters. Damn you Yoshiharu! Damn you!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Robotron vs Godzilla vs Astroboy" only on Ranting-TV…

Breaking News - Evicted!

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Out, damn'd Spot!" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Cheap Oil

Good morning, viewer. Once again, I’m enjoying my $10 coffee and got to thinking; I could buy one-third of a barrel of oil, for what I pay for my morning beverage. And really that’s an odd thing, considering that most people (aka: jackhole-asshat armchair investors) were sure oil was going to $300 a barrel, just six, short months ago. Mrs. BTO – my resident oil guru-- called the top when it couldn’t break $150 on the Fourth of July long weekend. She told me right there that oil missed its numbers and to short the sucker. And here we are at $35. She’s not called the Beautiful and Talented One for nothing (Does the “O” stands for oil-baron?). Question is… what the hell am I going to do with all that oil, in my office? Seems to me everybody else has the same problem.

Additionally, we know that President Obama isn’t please with the carbon-footprint of the oil sands in Alberta, Canada. And that’s going to doom anything that’s left of Alberta’s economy. Harper says that if the Americans won’t take our dirty, duck-killing Alberta oil, then you won’t get any oil, at all. Oh, yeah, tough guy? Who is the Canadian government trying to kid? The global economy is shutting down, people are using less oil and Canada already shipped its entire military (one green motorcycle, all four tanks and a duct-taped helicopter) to Afghanistan. After five long years of screwing the American consumers over with expensive, overpriced oil, the tables are turning. Beware of economy-raping clowns, Canada!

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Ron Paul in Goldpecker" only on Ranting-TV…