Guest Columnist - Heaven with Dr. Mike

I'm a believer! I believe that mice and men come from the same place. Mice and men have the same genes, but they are turned on and off in different sequences. For example, a fish develops fins instead of arms because of inherited time-frames for gene activities. The same gene that develops fins for fish is the same gene that develops arms for humans. All creatures are unique, but they come from the same source.

If you are lucky enough to be human, then you will go to heaven. Upon research of various interweb sites, I have determined that mice, rats, and Tasmanian devils go to hell! Actually I think that all animals, that aren't human, just rot away after death.

To form this drastic opinion, I have tuned in to many cable channels that prove the existence of dead people communicating with the living. I have never, ever witnessed a ghostly tape-worm attempting to burrow into the lower bowels of an unsuspecting human. Therefore, because of no proof of the existence of tape-worm ghosts, I am convinced that humans are the only living creatures that exist beyond death.

Or, maybe cute puppies and, perhaps, chimpanzees go to heaven or hell or whatever! Hey, as long as a human relates to you (as an inferior living being) as a reasonably close to human specimen, then you will probably have an afterlife. If an animal is intelligent, then I believe he may have heaven in his future.

I have developed a cut-off line for the intelligence-to-heaven formula. Luckily for some salamanders, they have taken the place of many human-kind in heaven!

Dr. Mike Ramps, FOS

About our Author: An expert on morally judging rabbits, chickens and deer, Mike Ramps, Ph.d, FOS, is a mentally-certified prairie-nutritionist. A disturbing and unusual man, he routinely performs a wide range of surgery from the comforts of his own van and has authored many books such as: The 100 Most Effective Ways to Cook Wildlife with a Bunsen Burner, The 100 Easiest Surgeries to do on Yourself, and The Erotic Tales of Sha-boo-ka in Animalland. Learn more about Dr. Mike and download one of his free audio courses from www.vanmansurgeries.com