Breaking News - Project Natal

Microsoft is working on a truly revolutionary controller, or rather... a lack of one, for the Xbox 360. Check out the following videos.





Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "The Last Xbox" only on Ranting-TV…

Breaking News - Bulls Stomp Bears!

Once again, the bulls have resumed their stomping ways. On the same day that the largest bankruptcy in the world has taken place, the market is up and away. While this has left many professors and negative-nellies scratching their heads, others have realized that the game is stacked. You can't lose, when the government climbs into the bullpen.

Anyway, natural gas has resumed it's climb higher after taking a two week hiatus and (upside) panic is starting to settle into the stock market. People have been left out of the rally, there hasn't been a 30% pullback and mutual fund and hedge fund managers are looking pretty stupid right now. Stories about the end-of-the-world and coffin-humping only convince your partners for a while. After a while, you start to look stupid. When the market is up 30-40% and you missed it, it's your head on the chopping block. That's the cold reality of money management.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "When Bulls Attack Part 2" only on Ranting-TV…

Video - Cute Animals Eating!

RTNN is pleased to present you with the following video presentation. It's cute animals eating, of course! Enjoy.



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Nom, nom, nom, nom" only on Ranting-TV…

Breaking News - My Whereabouts!

My last post was May 8th. I have been inundated by questions from desperate fans of this blog. I should explain my whereabouts.

As an ace reporter I was undercover working on my greatest story yet. I was staying at a lovely cabin near Silver Creek, Colorado working on my project. After finishing, I got into my 65 Mustang and began my trip back home to present my work to my boss Bob D. Ogre. But I was caught out in a blizzard and my car went off the road. I think I heard somebody talking to me... but I blacked out.

When I awoke, I found myself in a house and I was greeted by a woman named Annie Wilco. She went on to explain that she was a nurse and she had to set the bones in both my legs, and snapped my shoulder back into place (the accident dislocated it). She provided me with orange pain pills every two hours. She fed me, changed my bandages and always made sure my legs where tugged into the bedsheets.

Annie told me that she was my number one fan and avid viewer of all things RTNN. Her favorite post was my rant on facial yoga. She memorized the entire post and was able to recite it from memory. I had a good feeling about her.

Unfortunately, I was unable to contact anybody since the phone lines, cell towers and Internet access were all out. Well, that's what Annie told me.

A week later, a strange event occurred. Annie was feeding me soup one evening and all of a sudden she started to rant about how much I swear in my posts. She wanted me to stop using curse words... she was a god-fearing woman and felt that I was a dirty bird when I swore.

"Do I ask how the fuck the postman is doing this morning?", she screamed, "Maybe I should just add shit to everything I say, like those morons on Trailer Park Boys!"

I didn't say a word. Frankly, it shocked me... She apologized the next day for her outburst. "Oh, Johnny, I'm your number one fan! You are a genius! All other blogs are 3rd tierd. RTNN is my life!", she commented to me on an hourly basis.

One cold, rainy night she came into my room with a knife.

"I was just chopping onions, but it looks like the phone lines are back up. So I called the hospital and asked the ambulance to come get you. They should be here in a few minutes. They will take you to the hospital. I'm so relieved that you are going to be ok."

I thanked Annie profusely for saving my life before I was taken to the hospital. I just returned home. What a super lady!

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Misery" only on Ranting-TV…

Video - Screw Sea-Doos!

Oh my god. I have to have one of these! I just don't know if I can tow it with the Porsche. And at $128,000, it's cheap enough that even nuvo riche jerkoffs can afford one. Up, up and away!

Ok, now run the blooper reel. I'd pay good money to see this clown crash into a fucking tree! Ha ha ha...



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Batteries not Included" only on Ranting-TV…

This Just In - Steak!

Mrs. BTO and myself are off to enjoy the weekend outdoors by eating BBQ steak, drinking fine beer and generally enjoying life. Remember, human beings are outdoor creatures... so spend some time in the sun.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Steak and Beer and Sun, Oh My!" only on Ranting-TV…

Do the Natty-Gas Dance!

If you fucking short-sellers step up to Natty-G, you are going have your ass handed to you big time. Natural Gas is rippin' up and despite a 60% pop in the HNU since my call I think it can go even higher. Enjoy!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Natty-G Bitch-Slaps Bears!" only on Ranting-TV…

Editorial - All Aboard!

Folks, yesterday you witnessed a rare moment in Johnny's life. After being shaken out of the market, most people would be petrified right now. Not me. The market showed signs of life in the after hours last night, and I waited for weakness in specific financial and retail stocks before reloading: lock, stock and barrel. I scooped them up with great vigor.

Keep this in mind. There are billions and billions of dollars sitting out on the sidelines, waiting for 30% declines to try to re-live the glory days of the past two months. If we get a 10% pullback, that will be a godsend to those folks. Eventually, they won't be able to take it anymore and will pile into the market as we go into summer. This "green shoot" overrides everything else.

That's what I briefly forgot yesterday.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Jenga: Hedge Fund Version" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Head Fake!

Ah, shit. That bitch Mother-Market faked me out, yesterday. The stress test results that came out have inspired confidence and it looks like financials are to be bought. And the unemployment numbers were not as bad as everybody thought (even though they are still TERRIBLE). I always forget how many folks are underweight financials these days.

Whatever. It's not a big deal. We could have easily sold off this morning. The market is acting exactly like a bull market. The market goes up, up, up and then get hits with a sharp decline over a very short period of time (5%-7%). Then it continues higher.

I'm buying things that are going up, and selling things that are going down. Simple.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Head Fake with Mother Market" only on Ranting-TV…

Update - Book Profits

The market has a different feeling today. The scent of hungry clowns, is in the air. The news seems to be all in the market now. You know, I'm feeling a little piggish, after this monster two month run, so I'm locking in most of my gains. Nobody ever got hurt taking a profit. I want to keep some of my powder dry. No damn way I want to be short here, but financials and consumer cyclical feels a little toppy.

The market is still going to go higher in the longer term, but in the short term, I will use any big pull-backs to get back into the market at better prices. Natural Gas is still rocking higher... HNU is up almost 12% today.

Stock Market Update: I'm out of everything except Natural Gas and Swine Flu.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Reload!" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Saab Egg Roll!

There is a rumor that China's Geely is making a bid for Saab. I think that it's the key piece of the puzzle that China needs in order to bolster their position as a bona-fide car maker.

There is no doubt that China is a world powerhouse when it comes to manufacturing. But they have not been able to "brand" their products. Geely, for example, doesn't mean shit around the world. Look at the picture on the left, the top picture is a Mercedes and the bottom is a Geely "rip-off". That's the Chinese car industry in a nutshell. Cheap, fake, chinese shit. No self-respecting first-worlder is going to purchase THAT!

Same goes for their clothing. They have no style and no brand. The quality varies and typically are just rip-offs of well-known designers.

But they now understand what they need to do. They need a brand. And the only way they are going to get one is by buying one. If they owned the Saab brand for example, they would not have to go through the trouble of trying to create one themselves (and the Chinese are hopeless when it comes to that). The one thing that they are good at doing, is ripping off other peoples ideas, so this would be a perfectly legal way to do so. Saab is a well-known trusted brand, and as long as it's a reasonably-high quality product it will sell around the world.

You see, intellectual property and branding is the only thing that the US does really well. But soon, China will start to take that too.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "History of Saab: European, American, or Chinese?" only on Ranting-TV…

Do the Natty-Gas Shuffle!

Ever since I said it was time to buy natural gas, TSX:HNU (2x NatGas Bull) has rallied close to 30%. It's clearly bullish and all the fuckers who have been shorting it, for the past six months, are now getting their nuts cut off with a rusty ginsu knife.

The commodity just moved 6% today alone. Pardon me while I do the Natty-Gas Shuffle in my office. Oooooooooft!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "24 Hour Natty-Gas Party" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Canada!

Europeans banned seal imports from Canada. The US hasn't allowed imports since 1972. Why a first-world country, like Canada, wants to be associated with seal hunting is beyond me.

If you are a sealer, and you need to hunt to support your family, it's time to wise up to the fact that the world doesn't want your product anymore. Deal with it. Go work in a car wash or a slaughter plant or a fast-food restaurant. The majority of the world hate your guts, so quit trying to play the sympathy card, OK? Quit talking about how clubbing seals is part of your culture and shit. Try showing your kids the value of education, adaptation and innovation.

150 years ago, Canadians use to trap beavers to make felt hats. But eventually moved away from that to become a modern country... well sort of. If the politicians weren't so chickenshit and afraid of the pro-sealing lobbyists, Canada would have been out of this nonsense decades ago.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Culture or Lack of It?" only on Ranting-TV…

Minor Rant - Holy Toast!

We can put a man on the moon but can we please devote some resources to solve the giant fricking hole problem that I seem to have in my bread. This is the second loaf this week with a giant air pocket in it! Lazy humans...

From the Morning Desk - Buy-and-Hold?

Is Buy-and-Hold dead? I won't deny, it was, for a while. The second half of 2007, all of 2008 and the first couple months of 2009 was a trading environment. Buy-and-holders were taken out back, hog-tied and shot in the face and groin, repeatedly. They were whipped, beaten and scolded over and over again, all at the hands of traders.

After all the abuse, the buy-and-holders have developed a case of Stockholm Syndrome. They now believe that the only way you can make money is by day trading. And the only way forward is to preserve cash or buy bonds or treasuries. They have forgotten how ridiculously easy it is to make money in a bull market without having to do a damn thing. The idea of holding stock for five or ten years (which seemed smart two years ago) now seems as reckless as flipping houses. Their expectations for growth is in the low single digits -- or they don't expect to make money, at all.

If you listen to all the smart professors, economists and analysts they will tell you that buy-and-hold is dead. They say it's different this time. They will bombard you with "facts" and shit. Buying a stock and riding it up 80% in a month is too risky and not for regular mortals.

Nonsense! What we are experiencing in the stock markets is called the Wall of Worry. And as long as sentiment remains negative, we keep going higher. That's right, negative. Because it's the pessimism that keeps the market moving up. Very few people got in at the bottom, so everybody wants a pull-back before committing new capital -- but they all want in. The problem is, each day the market keeps getting away on them. So they buy high, sell out and then buy even higher. Traders are getting fucked. Short sellers are getting murdered. Hence my theory that trading is dead, and buy-and-hold is running the show. And I expect it to work for quite a while.

We are only at DOW 8300 or so. What the fuck is that? Nothing! Get some perspective on that number. It's like 1997-1998 levels. It's over a decade ago. I think we continue to move a lot higher. And all the smarty-pants can keep saying how we need a pullback, how overbought we are, shitty employment numbers, low GDP, blah, blah, blah.

If you ignore the tape action and try to focus on fundamentals, you will find yourself buying stock WAY higher than here. Buy-and-hold began to work at the end of February, 2009. Deal with it.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "The Great Wall of Worry" only on Ranting-TV…