Saturday, February 21, 2009

Stop! You’re Embarrassing the Human Race - Facial Yoga!

This has to be the biggest joke ever unleashed on the human race since winter boots invaded California. If I ever caught Cratchit or any of my other assistants doing facial yoga around the office, I would have to throat-punch them. I dislike it that much.

So what is this idiotic trend that’s sweeping coast to coast? Apparently, facial yoga refers to facial exercises for stretching the muscles. Regular practice supposedly can reduce the appearance of wrinkles. There are some yoga centers in the US that now offer classes in facial yoga in order to cash in on this fad.

How do I know it’s a fad? Simple. It follows the same pattern that all short-lived fads follow. It promises the moon, requires little effort to do and brainless celebrities are already doing it. Then the herding instinct kicks in. Every local media station around the world will start doing soft news stories on it. That’s when it peaks. We will see entire nursing homes full of elderly war vets, professional baseball players and even the President of the United States doing this shit. Fucking embarrassing.

So, go ahead make stupid faces all day, piss your money away, feel all good about yourself and remember two years from now you’ll still have wrinkles, and will be just as ugly as you are today.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Blinking Your Way to a Better You!" only on Ranting-TV…

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