From the Morning Desk - Golden Bubble

The relationship between the business media and bubbles is an interesting thing.

Take oil last year, for example. I followed the price of oil each day as it climbed higher and higher. The really interesting thing about that was how the business media would simply invent a new story to support the new higher price of oil.

These stories ranged from worker strikes, bombings, OPEC talks, threats from North Korea or Iran, changes in the dollar, drilling delays, even maintenance shutdowns. It was madness. Oil moves became an obsession for the media. CNBC even ran an oil ticker on the lower right side of the screen all day. Yeah, that’s bizarre.

I use to make up my own headlines, “Saudi Farts, Oil up $4”. And I would have been right, too. Why not? It’s not like there was any truth to any of these stories.

On any given day, each business news organization would print their own reason for the move. Bloomberg would blame the weak dollar, ROB would blame a looming Nigerian strike, and CNBC would blame Kim Jong-il. Well, he did invent oil, after all. Right?

But the fact of the matter is that oil was up because it was a bubble. And what usually happens right before a bubble pops, is a last surge (super-spike of buyers) at the end. It can take your breath away. This is what happened with oil, for example. There was NO reason for oil to spike in 2008. None. Everything was already melting down, the economy was tanking, and yet nobody could believe what was happening in the pits. Rampant speculation in oil.

I think gold is poised for its last spike. I don’t know when… maybe this fall, maybe next spring but it could possibly double to $2000/oz. Then, after a few months, it will begin to crash all the way back to $300.

Why do I say this? Well, because the media are back up to their old tricks. Gold is front-page news again and that’s not right. The stories being printed about inflation and end-of-the-world scenarios don’t make any sense. The journalists are always justifying it by quoting some gold bug saying how there is “real buying” out there (as oppose to what?). And the number of commercials out there for buying gold is up 10 times! People holding gold only make money if they can convince other people to buy it as well. That makes their holdings more valuable.

Once it super-spikes, the party will be over. And it’s the regular Joe, with half his wealth in gold who will be cleaning up.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Gold! Gold! Gold!" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Malawi

My grandmother, an immigrant from the old country, would receive letters from her parents, aunts, uncles, brothers and cousins. Most of these letters were nothing more than guilt-laden stories about the hardships they faced back home.

"Send money!" they would write.

And although money was very tight and she was raising a family of her own, she would send it. But a few months later, another letter would arrive. Sometimes the stories would get confused. For example, an aunt would die, but next year she’s celebrating Christmas with the family, again. This abusive pattern continued for years. She would write back to them, explaining that she did not have any extra money, but would send what she could. But they would beg for more. Until she finally had enough. The money stopped.

A year went by, then the letters from the old country stopped, too.

Madonna’s situation in Malawi reminded me of my grandmother’s story. This whole adoption denial fuckery really has nothing to do with the welfare of the child.

So, all of a sudden, these local human rights groups care about providing these kids with exposure to Malawi culture? Oh, give me a break. The only culture in Malawi is learning to be poor. Is begging for food culture? How about learning how to cheat, lie and steal what you need to survive? The crooked Malawi judges, lawyers, government officials and lobbyist groups are setting a fine example of how to extort money from anybody who steps foot in their cesspool of a country.

Nope. It’s all about greed.

That’s the number one reason. Extort money from rich celebrities. First a little, then more, then more and finally try to take everything. The back-door dealing would make a person sick. And in the end, its the child who suffers.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Law and Order: Africa" only on Ranting-TV…

This Just In - LED Sheep!

Mrs. BTO, who holds a lot of sway around RTNN headquarters, requested the following sheep video. In fact, all week I shall present viewers with all-things-sheep, starting with the following presentation. Enjoy!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "I Don't Give a Bleep!" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Protesters pt. 2

If you ever wanted proof that people, not government or big business really have the final say, witness the chicanery happening all over the world. Protests, violence and general anger have poured into the streets. Even countries are pissed with each other. China is acting like a little bitch and nobody is talking to France. Everybody hates the US, but because she gets all the attention from the boys, the other countries have to be friends with her. Canada gets to go to all the parties, but she needs to quietly ride in the back seat and just make sure that the US’s hair looks great.

You know, I was going to say something along the lines about understanding all the outrage, seeing the point of the protestors, and generally empathizing with the common man. Then I was going to qualify it by stating that by preventing a financial collapse, we can avoid a systemic collapse of the western world.

But I can't do it.

Fuck it. I fucking hate protestors. It’s the lowest form of communication. Whistling at women, "woo-yooing" from a limo, and answering a question with a fart are more productive communication techniques. Most of the douche bags at the G20 are professional protestors who generally move from political event to political event doing what they do best.

And the situation in France is even worse. You can’t allow these fucking quazi-communist Plumber Joes to take their bosses hostage, threatening bodily harm and then reward them when they release them. That’s really illegal, and bad for democracy and freedom. Not to mention that the government is scared of these hooligans. That’s not good. Is that really where we want to go as a society? What’s next? Are they going to start be-heading middle management? Fucking ingrates really deserve ten years in prison, not a raise.

Truly, it would bring a tear to my eye to see the military march all over these fucking assholes. Governments need to put an end to this bullshit right now, before it gets worse.

Why all the hostility? Well, quite frankly, I like having my ATM spit out dollars (not fucking gold) and I want my life insurance to actually be valid. I want to know that EVERY store out there accepts cash. It’s important that gold, Canadian Tire dollars and Monopoly money do not replace existing currency. I want the stock market to CONTINUE to rise. I don’t want to build a moat around my house. I don’t want to dedicate an entire room of my home for guns and ammo. I want to drive my sports cars around without fear of losing my wheels at the stoplight. And, putting bars on the windows of my mansion would just look lame. In general, I do not want society to degenerate into the stone age.

So, to all the terrorists around the world protesting against "evil bankers" (whatever the fuck that means), just shut the fuck up and go back to class. Right now, you are the biggest threat to the security of the world. Pretty soon, sensible tax payers will see that.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Survivor New York" only on Ranting-TV…

Breaking News - Bewildered Armchair Traders

Ha! DOW is up 153 points. Even though we opened down 1%, it didn't matter, the credit markets were indicating bullishness. The fixed income market has been telling you all sorts of things. Hedgefunds want to buy toxic assets. The government will do anything and everything it can to prevent the Great Depression 2. It's important to remember to not focus on this quarter (it's going to shit the bed), the market is looking out six months from now.

I think there are too many regular folks out there listening to the doom-wishing, coffin-humping, bear-loving fools. Don't let yourself get too negative. It's way too late for that. The horse left the barn. Or should I say bull?

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Rags to Riches to Rockets" only on Ranting-TV…

Guest Columnist - Heaven with Dr. Mike

I'm a believer! I believe that mice and men come from the same place. Mice and men have the same genes, but they are turned on and off in different sequences. For example, a fish develops fins instead of arms because of inherited time-frames for gene activities. The same gene that develops fins for fish is the same gene that develops arms for humans. All creatures are unique, but they come from the same source.

If you are lucky enough to be human, then you will go to heaven. Upon research of various interweb sites, I have determined that mice, rats, and Tasmanian devils go to hell! Actually I think that all animals, that aren't human, just rot away after death.

To form this drastic opinion, I have tuned in to many cable channels that prove the existence of dead people communicating with the living. I have never, ever witnessed a ghostly tape-worm attempting to burrow into the lower bowels of an unsuspecting human. Therefore, because of no proof of the existence of tape-worm ghosts, I am convinced that humans are the only living creatures that exist beyond death.

Or, maybe cute puppies and, perhaps, chimpanzees go to heaven or hell or whatever! Hey, as long as a human relates to you (as an inferior living being) as a reasonably close to human specimen, then you will probably have an afterlife. If an animal is intelligent, then I believe he may have heaven in his future.

I have developed a cut-off line for the intelligence-to-heaven formula. Luckily for some salamanders, they have taken the place of many human-kind in heaven!

Dr. Mike Ramps, FOS

About our Author: An expert on morally judging rabbits, chickens and deer, Mike Ramps, Ph.d, FOS, is a mentally-certified prairie-nutritionist. A disturbing and unusual man, he routinely performs a wide range of surgery from the comforts of his own van and has authored many books such as: The 100 Most Effective Ways to Cook Wildlife with a Bunsen Burner, The 100 Easiest Surgeries to do on Yourself, and The Erotic Tales of Sha-boo-ka in Animalland. Learn more about Dr. Mike and download one of his free audio courses from www.vanmansurgeries.com

Breaking News - Kitten Plays With Finger!

RTNN is pleased to present you, the viewer, with more animal videos. You know, it should be against the law to be this adorable. Enjoy!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Finger Biteoff Championship 2009!" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Idle!

When you make lifestyle decisions based on "peak oil" theories, you aren't thinking straight. When oil crashes from $140+ a barell to the mid $30s, guess what happens to exploration drilling? Shut downs, layoffs, etc. But for the first time in 25 years, wages are being rolled back, too. Starting May 1st, a lot of people's paychecks are going to get a whole lot smaller. Egos are going to get checked, too. And I don't think anybody is going to be striking this year.

Personally, I'm sick of having to deal with shitheads with a 6th grade education making way too much money, driving around in their $70,000 3/4 ton jacked up trucks, living out in the burbs with their four kids in their McMansions, and their boat and RV in the driveway. Of course, everything is on payments.

The paycheck will get smaller, but existing payments will remain the same size. Do the math.

What's the good news? Well, if you have a little bit of money put aside right now, housing, RVs, boats, equipment, businesses, commercial real estate and cars are going to be insanely cheap in the next two years.

I'll spare you the bad news.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Mad Max 5 - Too Much Oil!" only on Ranting-TV...

Braking News - Tax Credit for Car Buyers

There has never been a better time to buy a car. The US government just announced that there will be tax credits provided to buy a new car. Obama said that the Canadian government will be announcing their own program later today. Stay tuned... there's more to come.

Third, the IRS is today launching a campaign to alert consumers of a new tax benefit for auto purchases made between Feb 16 and the end of this year—if you buy a car anytime this year, you may be able to deduct the cost of any sales and excise taxes. This provision could save families hundreds of dollars and lead to as many as 100,000 new car sales.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Buy, buy, buy a car, car, car" only on Ranting-TV…

Public Service Announcement - Conficker!

Hello folks. This is a public service announcement. Remember to head on over to onecare.live.com and check your computer for the conficker worm before April 1. That is all. Please carry on.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Attack of the Giant Worms!" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Half Baked

Often, negative news comes out and the stock market rallies. The economy is terrible; the news that came out was bad so logically the price of stocks should drop. But they don't.

Stocks do not mirror the present, but rather the future. It’s similar to horseracing or poker, where you place your bets before the outcome is known. And while not always correct, the stock market typically has been a great predictor of the health of the overall economy.

Rumors and future news are often "baked" into the price of a stock. For example, if company ABC pre-announces a very weak quarter, the stock sells off immediately and might drop from $20 a share to $16. At $16, a lot of weakness is baked in. A month later when ABC reports a mediocre quarter, the stock jumps to $17.50. Why? Because the street was too negative, even if the numbers were not good.

Weeks ago, the entire stock market was pricing in a depression, not a garden variety recession. When news started coming out that things were not as bad as people thought (eg. leading indicators showing stabilization), the market started to rally. Equities were mispriced.

So, right now the stock market is predicting that the US economy will not go into a depression. People who have disagreed with this view (short-selling bears) are getting killed.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Third World Champion Poker on RTNN" only on Ranting-TV…

Bulls to Bears - How Ya Like Me Now?

It looks like we have inflows coming into the stock market (eg. $2 billion last week into emerging markets). The retail investors are starting to venture in. It appears that this rally has legs and will continue to move higher. Fight it, and you will die.

Look, commercial real estate is still very weak and the job numbers are still very bad but that's about it. Everything else appears to be in the bottoming process (or close to bottoming). And I never think it's a good idea to bet against the government.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Clowning Around With Mr. Roubini" only on Ranting-TV…

Lifestyle Section - Hedgehogs

You've asked for it and RTNN is pleased to present you the viewers with more hedgehogs! This little guy is called Max. Enjoy!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Hedgefunds vs Hedgehogs!" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Evil Advertising

Back when the church actually had sway in the western world, the way it does today in Africa, it was responsible for influencing ideas about what was true and what was false. These ideas eventually helped to form a society’s collective knowledge and morality. So, back in the 1600’s, the world was flat. The church told you so; end of story.

Today, we have broad exposure to various points of view. Religion still plays a part, but science now has a much larger role. The scientific studies that emerge help to shape our views.

But since the 1950’s, something else is shaping our world. Lobbyists and advertising.

That’s right, lobbying and advertisements are shaping our world views. I have zero problems with advertising when it’s used for good. (Buy a new iPod or pair of designer jeans) But when it’s a government billboard telling you that if you are doing 10 mph over the posted speed limit, that you are a disease, I’ve got a problem. Speed kills? Oh really? Fuck you. I don’t want my tax dollars going to fund my own indoctrination.

It’s also common knowledge that drunk drivers behind the wheel of a vehicle are a danger on the roads to other drivers and pedestrians, but lately it’s taken on a more sinister tone. These days, it’s morally evil to drink and drive. It’s become unforgiveable to drink and drive. You can’t make drunk driving jokes at parties. Who’s behind this? MADD of course.

Are there really people out there who don't know that drinking and driving is a terrible idea? Most people are getting sick of their bullshit advertisements, stupid billboards and annoying TV ads. Ok, we get it. 20 years of this stuff is just getting creepy already. MADD doesn't need to exist anymore. Now it’s just a power grab.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "MADD TV - Now with More Fire and Brimstone!" only on Ranting-TV…

Wednesday Cute Animal Picture