Breaking News - Cat Loves Rat Loves Cat!

By popular demand, RTNN is please to present you with more soft news stories. In this next feature we see how Natures "Odd Couple" get along. Turn your cuteness-detector down for the following video presentation.



We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Are you Smarter than a Petrified piece of Wood?" only on Ranting-TV…

This Just In - Back from Costco!

Typically I do not do my own shopping. I have people to do that for me. Plus, the Porsche doesn't hold that many groceries. But my stupid servant Robert Cratchit is in the hospital (I think it might have something to do with the fact that I chucked my keyboard into his head the other day, but I'm not sure). Good help really is hard to find.

Anyway, Mrs. BTO and myself headed out to Costco on a Saturday. It has been a while since I've ventured out to walk amongst the general public.

There are people with shopping carts EVERYWHERE at Costco. And it became painfully obvious to me why we have traffic laws in this country. If people drove their cars the same way they pushed their shopping carts it would be chaos. The unwashed masses just don't have the brainpower to figure out what to do without rules.

They would stop their cars in the middle of the freeway, drive the wrong way down one-way roads, bump into stuff constantly and generally park anywhere they want. We would end up with cars parked in the ditch, on sidewalks, inside malls and on top of the elderly. And forget about the "rule of the right" (learnt in elementary school) which states that traffic moves over to the right. And it doesn't matter that you are late for work because the oblivious couple ahead is parked sideways on the bridge scolding their stupid, brat child.

Bob Cratchit really deserves a raise for all the shitheads that he has to deal with every time I send him out to do my bidding in the world. Of course, I'm just kidding. He's lucky I didn't chuck something larger at his big fat head. That reminds me... I have to remember to doc his pay for my damaged keyboard.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Art Yarbochuck's Local Political Round Table Hour" only on Ranting-TV…

Breaking News - Valentine's Day Arrives

This just in folks. Today is Valentines Day. I was going to do an entire rant today about how stupid and creepy the whole Mass-Love Day thing is, considering the fact that if EVERYBODY around the world is celebrating the love between two (or more -- Utah, I'm talking to you) people, how CAN it be special? I could rant about the pornstar-acted-creepy Vermont Teddy Bear commercials on CNBC playing every 10 minutes. Or the fact that on Valentines Day you need to become Prince Charming despite the fact that you are clearly a frog.

Thankfully Mrs. BTO feels the same as I do about the nonsense on February 14. We wish each other a "Happy Valentimes" (it's an east coast US thang) and carry on with our day. No stress, no mess.

On the other hand, it's a great way to help stimulate the economy, we need people out there buying stuff. And the religious folk and anti-consumer groups seem hell bend on destroying these holidays. So, I do have to say that, I'm totally in favor of it... regardless of how pointless and annoying it is.

So get out there and BUY those chocolates, bears and flowers. In fact, keep doing it all week. Or all month. If we can fool people to spend like this all day, why not convince them to borrow to spend for longer durations. Let's get this economy moving! Do your part, public! I command you!

This is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… “The Biggest Loser - Cat Edition” only on Ranting-TV…