Thursday, April 2, 2009

This Just In - LED Sheep!

Mrs. BTO, who holds a lot of sway around RTNN headquarters, requested the following sheep video. In fact, all week I shall present viewers with all-things-sheep, starting with the following presentation. Enjoy!



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "I Don't Give a Bleep!" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Protesters pt. 2

If you ever wanted proof that people, not government or big business really have the final say, witness the chicanery happening all over the world. Protests, violence and general anger have poured into the streets. Even countries are pissed with each other. China is acting like a little bitch and nobody is talking to France. Everybody hates the US, but because she gets all the attention from the boys, the other countries have to be friends with her. Canada gets to go to all the parties, but she needs to quietly ride in the back seat and just make sure that the US’s hair looks great.

You know, I was going to say something along the lines about understanding all the outrage, seeing the point of the protestors, and generally empathizing with the common man. Then I was going to qualify it by stating that by preventing a financial collapse, we can avoid a systemic collapse of the western world.

But I can't do it.

Fuck it. I fucking hate protestors. It’s the lowest form of communication. Whistling at women, "woo-yooing" from a limo, and answering a question with a fart are more productive communication techniques. Most of the douche bags at the G20 are professional protestors who generally move from political event to political event doing what they do best.

And the situation in France is even worse. You can’t allow these fucking quazi-communist Plumber Joes to take their bosses hostage, threatening bodily harm and then reward them when they release them. That’s really illegal, and bad for democracy and freedom. Not to mention that the government is scared of these hooligans. That’s not good. Is that really where we want to go as a society? What’s next? Are they going to start be-heading middle management? Fucking ingrates really deserve ten years in prison, not a raise.

Truly, it would bring a tear to my eye to see the military march all over these fucking assholes. Governments need to put an end to this bullshit right now, before it gets worse.

Why all the hostility? Well, quite frankly, I like having my ATM spit out dollars (not fucking gold) and I want my life insurance to actually be valid. I want to know that EVERY store out there accepts cash. It’s important that gold, Canadian Tire dollars and Monopoly money do not replace existing currency. I want the stock market to CONTINUE to rise. I don’t want to build a moat around my house. I don’t want to dedicate an entire room of my home for guns and ammo. I want to drive my sports cars around without fear of losing my wheels at the stoplight. And, putting bars on the windows of my mansion would just look lame. In general, I do not want society to degenerate into the stone age.

So, to all the terrorists around the world protesting against "evil bankers" (whatever the fuck that means), just shut the fuck up and go back to class. Right now, you are the biggest threat to the security of the world. Pretty soon, sensible tax payers will see that.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Survivor New York" only on Ranting-TV…