Breaking News - Cats Can Talk!

Human: Wake up!
Cat: No! No! No!
Human: Wake up!
Cat: Sleep!
Human: Do you want to sleep in?
Cat: Yes!
Human: For how much longer?
Cat: Five!
Human: Just two minutes.
Cat: No!
Human: Ok
Human: How ‘bout just one minute?
Cat: More!
Human: You want to sleep more?
Cat: Please! Sleep!
Human: Ok, let’s make a deal I’ll let you sleep for a few more minutes if you continue to be cute.
Cat: Ok.



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Famous Talking Ed Filibusters" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Dear Leader

Good morning, viewer. As I sit here drinking my $10 coffee, I like to take the time to reflect on other powerful men in the world. And just in case you didn't know, when I look out my window, the clouds rush past BELOW me. It's the only way I work. Very God-like and motivating. You should try it sometime. But enough about me, dear viewer.

There should be little doubt in anybody’s mind that Kim Jong Il is a creepy little weirdo. I think it’s safe to say that the little pot belly, bird hairdo, woman’s glasses and that ugly, green homemade suit isn’t going to win him a place for Peoples Sexiest Man Alive. That's harsh... we know that looks aren’t everything, right?

Well, not exactly. You see, he lies. And I’m talking, big time. Ok, so most men lie, but there are limits. Most of the time, these are little white lies; believable ones. So, did you know that Kim Jong Il invented radial tires, holograms and the microwave? Apparently some hack-engineer, and con-artist, Percy Spencer simply ripped off Dear Leader. Sure, that sounds exactly right.

So why isn’t this guy working in a car wash, spying on women in the restroom?

He’s a dictator. It doesn’t matter that you are an ugly, out-of-shape, lying freak of nature. If you are a dictator, that trumps it all. He’s rich, gets laid all the time, likes fast cars and is a big movie buff. On his birthday, it’s North Korea’s largest holiday. And he is both worshipped and feared everywhere he goes.

Ever watch a rap video? What’s in it? Cars, bling, hundreds of women, people paying attention to the rapper, and a lot of partying EVERYWHERE the rapper goes. The rapper is the coolest guy in the whole video. Well, that’s Kim Jong Il’s life. Sucks doesn’t it?

I’m not saying that every rapper out there wants to be a dictator, that’s stupid. But what I am saying is that while we have been brought up to crave money, relationships, big homes and nice cars; other things have gotten in the way. Namely, worrying about our clothes, hair obsessions, Botox, and working out. Men and women spend so much time pissing around with their looks they fail to understand that vanity is the ultimate time waster (#2 blogging), and won't get them any further in life.

So how do you aquire this kind of power? You need money, influence and your daddy needs to already be a dictator. Ah, see there's always a catch. For the rest of us, it's hardwork and nice hair.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "10 Easy Steps for God-Like Power Infomercial" only on Ranting-TV…