Breaking News - Headless Killer on the Loose!

RTNN is pleased to present you, the viewer, with the following video presentation. It appears that some sort of headless, killer robot is walking on all fours trying to find a way into your house. Presumably, to kill your family. Beware! And if you see this inhuman killer, kicking it over with your boot may seem like a prudent course of action. But it will not be successful, as we shall see! This thing is just creepy and should be put out of its misery at once.



Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Cujo III - The Headless Hunter!" only on Ranting-TV…

From the Morning Desk - Clocks!

You would think that for every stupid-ass useless invention that exists in the world, that a useful one exists as well. I suppose useful inventions may exist, maybe in prototype form, maybe in somebody's head but that’s not good enough for me. I don’t give a shit how many patents you own on that newfangled super-rific gizmo, if I’m not able to actually use it, here in the real world, then you can go stuff yourself, Mr. Inventor.

What's with the attack on inventors? I’ve had to manually move my clocks forward one hour. That’s right. By hand.

It would have made little difference whether I had done it, or one of my lowly servants / administrative assistants performed the task. It still makes me scratch my head each time. Most wall clocks and watches do not have a Daylight Savings Time option. You have to wind it back and forward like they did in the 1960’s. You know, before microwave ovens, fax machines, the Internet, putting robots on Mars, and before blackberrys and iphones. That’s just embarrassing.

Sure, Johnny has no problem doing it. But why should I? It can’t be THAT much more expensive to manufacture watches and wall clocks to automatically adjust. I’ll pay an extra 50 fucking cents for the convenience. It’s really not a hardship, on me or the general public.

I’m sure some jackass inventor already owns the patent on wall clocks and watches that auto-adjust and is just sitting in his shack right now rubbing his hands with glee. But little good that does the rest of the world.

I think I will throw something at Cratchit’s stupid, fat head! I could buy a cup-throwing robot to do it, but some things are just more fun doing the manual way.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Creepy Clocks: Evil or Misunderstood?" only on Ranting-TV…