From the Morning Desk - Cell Phones

I’m a big fan of rules. I’m a bigger fan of creating them. Everybody has an opinion on using your cell phone while you drive, yet little is said about cell phones and walking. This really is a peeve of mine, and I’m using my journalistic power to influence change in this country, ala Rick Santelli.

How many times has this happened to you? You are walking down the sidewalk and here comes some clown on his cell, not paying attention at all and almost runs into you. Bewildered, he looks up, flashes a slight scowl at you and carries on? You don’t have to take it. I have created The Pedestrian Phone Right of Way Rules (PPRWR) to prevent this from happening.

There are four simple rules. When two (or more) people are walking towards each other:

1. People on hands-free headsets need to yield to non-cell phone people.

2. People talking on their cell phones need to yield to the hands-free people and non-cell phone people.

3. People texting need to yield to ALL cell phone users (except smartphones) and non-cell phone people.

4. People emailing documents, surfing or checking their calendar on their smartphones, must yield to everybody.

But Johnny, what happens if two “texters” are attempting to pass, who yields to whom? Well, that’s a little tougher question. I suppose the first person who “looks up” from their screen has the right of way. The other person must yield, for being such a dill-hole.

So the next time you see Mr. Important coming straight at you with his head buried in his tiny cell phone screen, tell him get the fuck out of your path. Because YOU have the right of way.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Rat Race 3 - Return of the Smartphones!" only on Ranting-TV…