From the Morning Desk - Protesters!

Good morning, viewer. From my corner office, high up on Mt. Olympus, it's easy to forget that the crowd of protesters that gather in front of our offices, daily, aren’t ants. Each day, they are out there protesting RTNN’s new global expansion plans deep in the tropical rain forest of Southeast Asian. Anyway, I’m not sure why we (RTNN Corporation) are there, but I can only assume that it’s to bring the native folks great new TV programs like “Fartly and Greg”, “King of Fartly”, and “The Hour with George Fartleyopolous”. Let me make it clear to you, dear viewer, that protesting is the lowest form of communication, somewhere between construction worker cat calls and half-drunk “woo-who’s!” while half your torso hangs outside a limousine. And holding a sign only makes you look retarded.

"But, Johnny, protesting is important AND effective! We are making a difference! We get results!"

No you don’t. In the old days, protesting use to work because we had no way to contain or restrict you. In the old days, we had a name for large groups of outraged people. They were called mobs. And they didn’t carry signs, instead; pitchforks had a much larger impression. Today, when you have a group of wannabe hippies, part-time university students, and trendy-fake-asshats protesting, it’s a bake sale. Nobody notices.

"But, Johnny, we have the media and Internet on our side!"

Oh really? Listen, nobody cares about you or your shitty cause. Besides there are millions of blogs (but only one RTNN) and the thousands channels of local TV, who really sits up and takes notice? There’s no impact. Your message is lost.

When RTNN builds new headquarters, you can be sure that we will fence off a really nice part of the swamp so protesters can have a place to express their views. Watch out for the crocodiles.

Thanks for tuning in folks! This is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Too Many Ostriches" only on Ranting-TV…