Guest Columnist - Dr. Mike Ramps, FOS

About our Author: Mike Ramps, Ph.d, FOS, is a mentally-certified prairie-nutritionist and a nationally known expert on most things in general. A disturbing and unusual man, he routinely performs a wide range of surgery from the comforts of his own van and has authored many books such as: The 100 Most Effective Ways to Cook Wildlife with a Bunsen Burner, The 100 Easiest Surgeries to do on Yourself, and The Erotic Tales of Sha-boo-ka in Cockland. Learn more about Dr. Mike and download one of his free audio courses at www.vanmansurgeries.com.

10 or Less Reasons to Eat Gophers by Dr. Mike:

1. In these tough economic times, they are a plentiful and free food source.
2. Hides make great coats - need lots, but you should be eating lots.
3. They don't feel pain, just like fish - unproven, but likely.
4. Skeleton art! Need I say more?
5. Thousands, if not millions of slow-cooker recipes available out there.
6. Easily start a home-based business in gopherdermy. Sell on EBay.
7. Free pets for your children until the 'time comes'.
8. Teaches your children about how to deal with their emotions (see above). But time will tell.
9. Learn trapping and/or aiming techniques. You can never have too many skills in these tough economic times.

In these drastic economic times, we must think outside-the-box. You may have some anti-gopher-eating (A.G.E.) activists say that you 'can't to this!'.

You can tell them, 'Yes we can!'

-- UPDATE: We have just learned that Dr. Mike was attacked shortly after leaving our building by A.G.E. activists/terrorists. He is currently in his van attempting to perform life-saving surgery on himself. We wish the best of luck to you, doc!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "The Sumos vs. Surgeons Show" only on Ranting-TV…