From the Morning Desk - Car Shopping

My $10 coffee has never tasted so good. I have to admit, for all the bellyaching about the weak economy, it’s sure a great time to buy that high-end car. Luxury car auctions are feeling the pinch. That’s me looking inside my new Ferrari. What can I say, the Porsche is a great daily driver (and perfectly reliable) but I’m a Ferrari guy.

How weak is the car market? Would you believe half price? Cars that were going for $700,000 in 2007 are now $400,000. Nobody is stepping up.

You peasants really need to learn to have empathy for us rich folks. Sure, your 401K is zapped, your job is in jeopardy and your houses are worth squat, but please think about the poor bastard that had to get rid of his luxury car and take a HUGE loss on it. That’s like getting kicked in the balls and spit on, at the same time. Maybe it belonged to some coke-snorting derivatives trader, or a California real estate investor, or some uppity hedge fund manager who fucked his entire portfolio by getting long oil last summer at $140.

Warren Buffett’s fortune plummeted by $25bn to $37bn. Indian businessman Anil Ambani net worth slumped from nearly $32bn to approximately $10bn. Microsoft founder Bill Gates wealth plunged $18bn to $40bn. But then again, a billion dollars just ain’t what it use to be, right?

I think it’s time to go after professional athletes now. Cut the sponsorship dollars, cut the salaries and get rid of all the bonuses. The amount of money that these clowns make these days is ridiculous! The multi-million dollar contracts need to become one million dollar contracts. It’s not 2007 anymore; wages need to drop, drop, drop. Why? Because I happen to be in the market for a Lamborghini 670-4 SV. And I know an NBA basketball player who has one.

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Moving on Down, to a Deluxe Appartment in the Basement!" only on Ranting-TV…