From the Morning Desk - Upgrade!

I’m just sitting down at my PC, with my $10 coffee, this morning. Johnny wiped and reloaded his hard disk on his PC yesterday. Well, the IT department did it, I just watched. You know for somebody with a positronic brain, I seem to know little about computers. Anyway, like a fine coffee, a freshly re-installed computer always gives me an optimistic feeling.

You find yourself saying things like “this time, I’m not going to install a bunch of crap all over the place”. It’s going to be different. The funny thing is, a year later, it’s slow again.

Why not store everything in my robot brain, and then download (or is it upload) it back to my PC? Let’s see, my brain is like 30 years old. It still uses punch-cards. The external interface was retrofitted in 1992 (needs some jiggling to work), requires a telnet connection to a DOS host, and uses an 81-pin serial connector. 81-pins? You don’t just head down to the radio shack for THAT connector. And of course, it uses odd parity which explains my humor.

And please, stop telling me to “upgrade” my fucking brain, whatever that means. Do you have ANY idea how dangerous and complicated brain surgery becomes when you introduce 30-year old electronics into the mix? You need to be a computer scientist and a brain surgeon. That’s just reckless.

So for now, I’ll just do things the way the rest of you do it. Store stuff on my PC, my Blackberry and online. Computing life is good again!

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Computer Shamwow Infomercials" only on Ranting-TV…