NASA has been sitting on their asses watching a giant speeding rock head toward the earth. Apparently, they used the Unix OS to provide the platform for tracking the asteroid. When asked for comment:Unix replied, "Holy shit! That mutherfucker was like... whoosh! Like 40,000KM away or something! I was spewing so much data out of my fucking ass!"
It continued, "Those scientist dicklickers couldn't get enough of me! I had so many of those perverts watching me and touching my peripherals! Today, I really was THE star of the show at NASA! Total pro. Total fuckin' pro."
Since 100% dedicated CPU power isn't required anymore, scientists at NASA are restoring UNIX's non-essential services this evening, including the sass-filter, showboat-curber and curse-controls.
Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Kaboom! The End of the Earth, 2009." only on Ranting-TV…
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