Your World - Consumers Seen Trading Down

RTNN, Mt. Olympus -- As job losses mount and home foreclosures steadily rise, many people are trading down in everything from baby toupees, designer puppies and disposable yacht-wrap. Riche en Richre Periodical reports that it’s not unusual in an economic downturn, but the speed with which its happening is. And the flight to more affordable products is affecting the broadest array of unnecessary goods since the recession of the early 1980s.

"Since the job layoffs at my firm hit, I’ve stopped buying umbrella shoes, from the All-things-Umbrella Boutique, and have opted to purchase the regular kind," says Mary Johnson. "Shoe shopping in this economy is harder than Chinese math."

And Bill Monroe, a former HR rep told us, "I love my DVD rewinder, but ever since I lost my job I’ve had to do it the manual way. Life fucking sucks!"

Visits to designer, snobby boutiques, where sales people won’t even talk to you, are down a whopping 0.25%, while faux teeth-diamonding clinics, semi-high-end Ferrari dealerships and other “discount” chains saw a 350% jump in sales last month alone.

Even the brown-bag lunch is experiencing a renaissance. "It looks like people are packing their own fillet mignon steak and lobster these days." says a retailing analyst. "Consumers are moving towards sensible choices."

How has the downturn affected your spending habits, viewers?

Folks, this is Johnny Newsmaker signing off. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming… "Everyday Ferraris for Every Day" only on Ranting-TV…